Total Request Live

By Jeff Headrick

I would like one hamburger please. Could you make it a goat cheese cheeseburger? A chess burger with chess pieces on it?  Extrabishops, please! Could I please have a Christmas stocking  filled with fondue cheese, and a two liter of coke for only four  ninety nine? Could I have a limousine take me down Prairie  Avenue in 1881? Could I have a dinner party with Oscar Wilde,  Orson Welles, Henry David Thoureau, Bobby Seale, Marcel  Duchamp, Jane Jacobs, and Dorothy Parker? Could I have a fat lip?  I want to preach on the corner and be noticed and followed and  praised until I have my own congregation busting the seams of an  old hallowed church, and I want a ballistic choir leader with an  electric guitar, stomping her heel on the rock wood floor and I want  everyone to be swayed and to go out and give away their money  with no fear. I want to direct a movie on location in St. Louis, MO  that is about a guerrilla war that nobody wants or understands,  and it is about dogs and neighborhoods and baseball and people  dying for reasons we can anticipate but not stop. I want to be able  to think more efficiently and faster on a wider variety of topics. I  want to work harder on things that need work, and I want to quit  trifling. I want more bikes, like a pink bike, a little bike for people  to borrow, a titanium bike, an aluminium bike, bikes with  interesting pedals, a winter bike with disc brakes and toothy tires,  a bike with a rifle strapped to the top tube, an Eddie Merckx bike,  and a bike with very large but smooth tires and a coaster brake.  The frames of all these bikes must be cut and welded to fit me  ideally. I want to walk from Chicago to St. Louis and talk to people  along the way. I want to throw a phone into a body of water. I  would like for a tunnel to be built between the Sears Tower and the  Hancock Center. I wish it were possible for me to run or swim for  perhaps one hundred miles without stopping.