Remember Louise

By Sloane Larsen

This morning, as I switched on the desk lamp,
something else switched on, too.
I was sure I’d found it––
the one right thing. 

I’d been told anxiety and excitement can feel the same in the body.
Whichever this was, it rose like firesmoke, 
reaching for an open window,
hummed like two hands
rubbing back and forth 
to reach the red inside them.
This energy had colors. 
This energy had something to do.

When I was small, my grandma would swing a pendulum 
to tell my future.
How good it was to know. 
When she died, I bought one for myself
but I don’t swing it,
I only hold it as I wonder.

My therapist told me about a peaceful place she goes to feel safe
where an old woman named Louise 
cloaks her shoulders with owl feathers.
She keeps a small note tucked in a secret place. 

The note reads: Remember Louise

Remember Louise