Deafula

Interview with Kerri Radley by Leslie Perrine

Deafula is a personal zine written by Kerri Radley.  Using humor and a no-nonsense attitude, Kerri  relates her experiences as a deaf person in a way  that’s both relatable and informative. Deafula has  covered a wide range of topics so far, including  employment, navigating healthcare, disability  politics, and Deaf identity.

Can you describe what led you to begin writing your zine Deafula? 

I started writing Deafula on a whim; I wanted to bring  a zine with me to trade with tablers at the 2010 Philly  Zine Fest, but was having trouble coming up with  something to write about. I thought, why not do a neat  little zine about how I lost my hearing and tips for  interacting with deaf folks? I thought it would be a  one-off zine that I wouldn’t give much thought to after  the fest. It turned out, though, that not only do people  enjoy reading about my experiences as a deaf person, I  have an amazing amount of shit to say about being deaf!  I’m really glad I decided on a whim that day to make  Deafula, and then later decided to make it a series and  keep going with it. It’s been the most rewarding and fun zine I’ve ever put out. 

You do such an amazing job in Deafula of writing about  very frustrating experiences without sounding super  bitter towards or alienating a hearing audience. How  do you keep a balance between connecting with a deaf/ Deaf audience and also allowing a hearing audience to  relate to what you’re writing? 

That’s such a kind thing to say! This is something I  actively try to do, so it’s nice to know I’ve been  achieving it so far. It’s something that I really do  keep in the back of my mind when I’m working on every  issue. I know that the majority of people who read my  zine are hearing, and I don’t want to alienate those  readers. When I’m writing, I try to make sure that I’m  relating my experience from the viewpoint of: hey,  there are a lot of assholes out there, and some  assholes happen to be hearing people who discriminate  against deaf people, but that’s because they’re  assholes, not because they’re hearing. A lot of  hearing people who read my zine are actually amazed at  the atrocious behavior / discrimination I endure, my  zine partly functions as a reminder that yes, there are  people out there who act like this / think these  terrible things about deaf people. I also know some d/ Deaf people will read my zine, and I try to write about  my experiences in a way that other d/Deaf people can  relate to and honors and validates our shared shitty  experiences. So, after I write an issue and am editing  it, I try to think about it from both angles. I read  what I wrote and consider both audiences, and I weigh  in my mind any potential alienation vs. writing  honestly about my experiences. It’s a balancing act for  sure, but I’ve found that writing from the heart,  allowing myself some anger, and keeping both audiences  in mind has been successful so far. Most people,  hearing or d/Deaf, can relate to a lot of the shitty  feelings I talk about (exclusion, guilt, etc.) so that  is a big help with the balancing act.

Until kind of recently you were more anonymous in your  zine writing. Have you had instances of being “outed”  with your personal information through your writing? 

Oh yes. This has been an ongoing struggle for me. I  started Deafula super anonymously only ever including  my first name once, I think. Even when distros first  started carrying it, I asked them to list it under  “anonymous” instead of a name. But, the internet and  facebook and people writing about you make it so  difficult to keep up anonymity. After a few accidental outings (they weren’t intentional; people who knew my  first name would absentmindedly connect it with Deafula on the internet, and then that knowledge  spreads like damn wildfire), and knowing I would need  an actual name for the Chicago Zine Fest organizers to  use (I was on a panel for CZF 2013, and therefore was  going to be referenced to in promotional material), I  decided to go the pen name route. Or “zinester” name,  or whatever. Now that most of the internet knows me  as Kerri Radley, I am less worried about my real name  being outed. People are satisfied with using the pen name!  

I love the description in Deafula 3 about things you’ve  never experienced if you’re not a deaf person. Can you  describe what you wrote about a little bit and why you  decided to write about that in your zine? 

I get a real kick out of talking with my hearing  friends about things we experience / hear so  differently - things like wind, being underwater,  silence, etc. These talks have made me realize that no  matter how hard they try, my hearing friends will never  get to know the joy of experience those things the way  I do! I made a list in #3 of the top things you are  missing out on as a hearing person (which I balanced with top most annoying things about being deaf!),  including things like the ability to experience actual  silence, taking a shower without the sound of water,  and listening to music without auditory input, only by  feeling the vibrations. I do write about a lot of  negative things in Deafula - it comes with the  territory, I guess - so I also try to balance it with  the fun stuff, the positive and joyful things about my deafness. 

You’ve written about not fitting into the deaf or Deaf  communities and how difficult that is. I think this  is something that a lot of people can relate to within  different aspects of life. Do you feel like through  your zine you have found any more of a sense of  community within either deaf community or the zine  community? 

I think that’s one of the things people relate to most  in my zine. When I write about not fitting in, either  with the hearing community or with the Deaf community.  Feeling excluded at some point or another is a pretty  universal feeling. In my case, though, I often describe  it as being stuck between two worlds - I don’t quite  fit in or get by easily in a group of all hearing folks  or in a group of all Deaf folks. Sharing this has been one of the most rewarding parts of Deafula, though. I’ve  gotten a lot of emails and letters from other people who  feel like me, stuck in between those two worlds. Maybe  they only have hearing loss in one ear, or maybe they are  like me and are profoundly deaf but attended mainstream  schools and are still learning ASL. These are the folks I  truly love getting letters from. It can be a lonely  position to be in, and when they write to me to tell me  that my zine was the first time they’ve seen someone write  about struggling with this just like they do, and what  a relief it was to see that someone else has those same  feelings of being “in-between,” that’s a great feeling for  me. I feel like Deafula has given me a greater sense of  community with other zinesters, especially with other  disabled zinesters, but most of all, it’s given me  connections with and more of a sense of community with  other d/Deaf folks in similar positions to me. 

Karri (L) and Heather Colby (R) reading at Women and Children First

Where do you see Deafula heading?  

I don’t see it stopping any time soon! I am constantly  thinking of new things to write about and new theme issues  I could do. I really do have so much to say and my  deafness influences my life in so many ways. In the future  I hope to write more about disability identity, my awesome  dance skills, romantic relationships, how I experience  music, switching from analog to digital hearing aids  (which was insane and completely changed the way I  experience the world!), friendships, “passing” for hearing  as a child, and lots more.